66 Comments
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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

There’s SO many good lines in this. Chilling as well. Damn good work here!

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Edward!

Shane Bzdok's avatar

From the title to the very last line—brilliant. No surprise, Zimmers. Chilling and satisfying, I want to believe this is the real deal for people like this. I think my favorite part, though, is that he initially thought, "It's not so bad," as if he had gotten away with all his bad deeds. But hell isn't exactly a resort now, is it? The story was the slow burn that broke him. And it'll go on like that for...how long exactly? Oh, right, for eternity! Yes, yes, very satisfying. 😈

Loved.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Shane! Yes, I might have giggled a bit when he thought it wasn’t so bad. I already had plans for him. He deserves every second of it.

Emily S Hurricane's avatar

Oh I love this so much. How he’s experiencing the exact same fear as his victims, being alone and occasionally touched in the dark, even reacting the same with a ‘please’ 👏👏👏

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Emily! He deserves it all!

Emily S Hurricane's avatar

He really does!!

Nissa Harlow's avatar

What a creep! He certainly got what he deserved.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Truly a creep! The Midnight Vault is no place to engage in such behavior!

Bryan Pirolli's avatar

Sharp sharp sharp. This was a fun read, quick-witted and appropriately horrifying. This dude was a piece of work, and you didn't let us forget! Thanks so much for contributing to The Midnight Vault II.

Ed the non-Editor's avatar

This was dark and unsettling. Great job! I listened to it with Vinny Reads.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Ed! Vinny did a super job reading it.

Bridget Riley's avatar

This was incredible, Liz! So horrifying but so perfectly done.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Bridget! For me, this would be a truly awful Hell. And I hope it’s instructive for David Tanner…

Nick Buchheit's avatar

This sounds like a hell that I wouldn’t want to visit.

Kelsey Howard Writing's avatar

This story is so good, very interesting perspective and the ending it fantastic!

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Kelsey!

Jane Dougherty's avatar

Couldn't have happened to a nicer person.

Hanna Delaney's avatar

Um, can we talk about how amazing the beginning was? Absolutely perfect, Liz.

Nick Winney's avatar

Fantastic Liz. word perfect. you were the murderer. and the justice creeping in, slithering. marvellous writing 😎

Angela Allen's avatar

Creepy, but the touch of humor you apply in this kept me reading.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Angela! Humor and horror go surprisingly well together.

Garen Glazier's avatar

I love how he ends up begging (politely) at the end. Such a good bookend to a great read.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, Garen! I sort of liked that, too. 😈

Andy Futuro's avatar

"Hell is what you make of it" 😮

EJ Trask's avatar

I love this Liz!

I saw a call for horror submissions once where the publisher said they would not accept anything written from a murderer's POV. I have never forgotten that because it was so stupid and arbitrary to my mind-- and here you come along with the PERFECT argument for why it was such a bad boundary. Compelling, creepy, propulsive, and in no way a glory to the terrible MC. Well done.

Liz Zimmers's avatar

Thanks, EJ! As so often happens for me, this guy just started talking, so I wrote it down. I’m so glad the story did its job. Every character has an interesting POV, although I understand that publisher’s scruples.

Nick Winney's avatar

YES! THEY TALK!