Well written. I anticipated the ending but not in the way you wrote it. I thought the old man in the graveyard would do the deed for her. Wonderfully descriptive writing.
Oh. My. Gosh. Liz! It doesn't help that I'm reading this in the dark, but this story creeped me out! Don't freaking go in the mausoleum, Kathy! I loved the interspersion of the visit with Dr. Anderson with the haunting. Ugh so good!
Good god, woman! Every time I think you've scared the $hit out of me, you turn around and do it again! And better too. WTH?!
So I figured out at some point that young Kathryn would be the most recent victim of this evil, but I NEVER ever thought she would end up with a sharp pair of scissors in front of her bathroom mirror!! Damn you are good, my friend! Don't ever stop!!
And besides the story itself, I always love your turns of phrases (is that a thing?) - let's see if I can remember one. Oh yeah, the woods spat her out with disgust (?) and apprehension zinging through her veins. So, so awesome.
Thanks, Doro! My pleasure to scare you and horrify you, lol. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Kathryn will live to fight another day, in another story somewhere down the road.
OH MY GOD! eyes! Eyes! i cant bear anything to do with eyes.
really horrific. i love the story within a story here and the cut scenes and such an interesting idea for the monster/horror/ghost thing infecting in this way... a shadow in the eye that never goes away... a visual tinnitus of inescapable horror!
great tension and menace throughout and lovely mad old man stepping from behind the brawny gravy stone!
Thanks, Nick! Yes, eyes are super shivery. They are for me, too, and I deal with their issues every day. There were some nods to M.R. James in here, too.
I read your previous response here that the eye tick thing was real! What?!? How in the world? Wait, don’t actually tell me. I’m sure I don’t want to know. :P On a different note: I really like the way you worked in the doctor’s notes and the VMs from her brother. It was a cool way to present info and kept the story snappy and sharp. Well done!
Thank you! I'm never sure if a stylistic thing like that will work or not. Yeah, the tick thing happened, but it was such a fluke. I had never heard of it happening before or after that. I think we're relatively safe, but always do a complete tick check after a hike or camp!
This is spectacular. The dread is built perfectly. I kept hearing a certain bible verse in my ear...and then we were in the bathroom with her. Terrifying! (Anyone knows that if it's not on the map we just pretend it doesn't exist and go on our way, but no, we can't help ourselves.)
Thanks, Lyndsey! That old saw about curiosity and cats... I'm kicking around the idea of having Kathryn appear in another story, later. After she heals. She strikes me as a sort of paranormal Indiana Jones, lol.
She's adventurous (or nosy, as her brother thinks), but this is her first encounter with anything that's truly frightened her. I'm curious to find out how it changes her. She's got the sand to poke her eye out!
Well written. I anticipated the ending but not in the way you wrote it. I thought the old man in the graveyard would do the deed for her. Wonderfully descriptive writing.
Thanks, K.C. I wanted to save her eye, but there was no way she could keep it. Somehow, I think she’ll be okay, though.
I'm scared of my own eyes now
Ha! Watch for floaters!
Well, this was terrifying. It's like you're creating entirely new urban legends.
If this were a movie, I'd see it in theaters. Of course, it wouldn't be as good as the original, and I'd be sure to complain. Best to keep reading 😊
Thanks, Jennifer! That means a lot to me!
This is phenomenal. Such an unsettling piece
Thanks, Keith!
Whoa. That’s one hell of a story, Liz!
Thanks, Justin!
Oh. My. Gosh. Liz! It doesn't help that I'm reading this in the dark, but this story creeped me out! Don't freaking go in the mausoleum, Kathy! I loved the interspersion of the visit with Dr. Anderson with the haunting. Ugh so good!
I’m so glad it creeped you out, lol. No matter how tempting (?), mausoleums are off limits!
Good god, woman! Every time I think you've scared the $hit out of me, you turn around and do it again! And better too. WTH?!
So I figured out at some point that young Kathryn would be the most recent victim of this evil, but I NEVER ever thought she would end up with a sharp pair of scissors in front of her bathroom mirror!! Damn you are good, my friend! Don't ever stop!!
And besides the story itself, I always love your turns of phrases (is that a thing?) - let's see if I can remember one. Oh yeah, the woods spat her out with disgust (?) and apprehension zinging through her veins. So, so awesome.
Thanks, Doro! My pleasure to scare you and horrify you, lol. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Kathryn will live to fight another day, in another story somewhere down the road.
and I can't wait to meet her again!
Geez…..! And?
I think we’ll see Kathryn again. Although she will only see us with one eye!
There has got to be more!! The eyes are portals to the soul. More please!❤️
I’m working on it, Dad!
OH MY GOD! eyes! Eyes! i cant bear anything to do with eyes.
really horrific. i love the story within a story here and the cut scenes and such an interesting idea for the monster/horror/ghost thing infecting in this way... a shadow in the eye that never goes away... a visual tinnitus of inescapable horror!
great tension and menace throughout and lovely mad old man stepping from behind the brawny gravy stone!
Thanks, Nick! Yes, eyes are super shivery. They are for me, too, and I deal with their issues every day. There were some nods to M.R. James in here, too.
Great writing!
Thanks, Jennifer!
This is so good :)
Thank you, K. Lynne!
Jeez, I have a thing about eyes and this hit all my buttons! Disturbing, eerie, so good!
Thanks, Garen Marie! Sorry about the queasies. Same for me. Eyes are just cringey.
I read your previous response here that the eye tick thing was real! What?!? How in the world? Wait, don’t actually tell me. I’m sure I don’t want to know. :P On a different note: I really like the way you worked in the doctor’s notes and the VMs from her brother. It was a cool way to present info and kept the story snappy and sharp. Well done!
Thank you! I'm never sure if a stylistic thing like that will work or not. Yeah, the tick thing happened, but it was such a fluke. I had never heard of it happening before or after that. I think we're relatively safe, but always do a complete tick check after a hike or camp!
This is spectacular. The dread is built perfectly. I kept hearing a certain bible verse in my ear...and then we were in the bathroom with her. Terrifying! (Anyone knows that if it's not on the map we just pretend it doesn't exist and go on our way, but no, we can't help ourselves.)
Thanks, Lyndsey! That old saw about curiosity and cats... I'm kicking around the idea of having Kathryn appear in another story, later. After she heals. She strikes me as a sort of paranormal Indiana Jones, lol.
She does seem the type that would treat surviving this situation like fuel.
She's adventurous (or nosy, as her brother thinks), but this is her first encounter with anything that's truly frightened her. I'm curious to find out how it changes her. She's got the sand to poke her eye out!
Exactly! I hope she decides to wear an embroidered leather eye patch. That will give her brother something to complain about . ;)
I love it!
ahhhhh I love this so much Liz! a perfect ghost story.
Thanks, EJ!
The best horror comes from cemeteries, or so I thought, until you brought Mausoleum peering into the picture😉👌....Great read!
Thanks, Steve! Mausoleums are tailor made for horror.